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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
I mentioned the title of this article to a few people and I got the same question: “Do you have kids?” Is being a parent the only qualifying criteria to write such an article? The fact that so many people can ask this same question in fact does not surprise me, because most people raise children from the adult perspective – they completely ignore the perspective of the child! That is a recipe for disaster. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Obviously, I have been a kid before and that should at least count for something.
Secondly, I have a passion for children, I love them, I adore them, I listen to them, I observe and study them and its an amazing joy to appreciate the depth and boundlessness of their potential, and an even greater joy to observe the rewards of any impact I have however small. Raising children is tough. There is no foolproof method, no mechanism, no standard or no formula.
However, there should be a known objective which of course, is beneficial to both the child and the guardian. The outcome of a child’s upbringing can be good or bad, no matter the stimuli involved. The reason for this is simple. Good parenting is but a fraction of the result. Children have a responsibility to themselves as well with the choices they make and the direction they choose. Good parenting opens doors; society and environment open others.
The door chosen is up to the kid, or child, or teenager or adult. Guardians should stop feeling pain, regret, guilt, whatever, for how the children they raise turn out. However, there are 4 ingredients which I prize. They are Love, Respect, Discipline and Direction. Giving a kid these four ingredients appropriately is an art because truly, and we all can testify, kids are all different and unique and not only do they require varying doses of each, they require different approaches.
Who is the boss?
Simple question is it? You think. Ask the mother who comes home tired and has kids whining and crying for this or that, and would do anything to pacify them. Ask the nanny who is trying to silence three or four toddlers. Who’s the boss? Ironically, it’s critical to set the tone early. Adults usually think they need to wait for their children to start speaking before they can set that standard. Nope, don’t wait. A one year old can understand you. So speak (don’t baby talk). Speak clearly and seriously and you’ll be surprised how much they understand. Set the conditions for whatever they do, BEFORE they start. Once they agree, hold them to the terms.
The more you stray from those agreements, the more you lose control. For example your four year old comes up with all kinds of excuses not to sleep – from boo boos to thirst. They do that. It’s okay to negotiate. But before you do let them know, “you get a few kisses and a drink of juice then you go to sleep till the morrow”. If they don’t listen, remind them they agreed to that already. Do not bend - read a story, kiss them goodnight and let them sleep. They may cry or whine, but sometimes, that helps them fall asleep anyway. If you break, it only makes future nights harder. So invest in today. Besides, the more you answer to every beck and call, the more dependent the kid gets on you, the less confident they become, the more tentative they get. It dampens their creativity, initiative and confidence.
Continue to..... The Art of Raising Kids - PART II
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