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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
continued from.... Understanding the Product of Relationships - PART II
Some of us can not tolerate other people’s children just because they are not ours. Many men will not take interest in a woman who has a child, just because she has one. Same goes for women. Usually I probe further to understand the reason behind their lack of interest. I expect most to tell me about the drama of dealing with the child’s father or mother as the case may be – not so. It usually is just simply that they don’t want to deal with a child that is not theirs. Sometimes they think single parents are failures, other people, especially men, get turned off by the thought of having sex with a woman who has had a baby. Hello!!! What happens when you get married and your wife has one? We should know the world is a level playing field and dishes out experiences without fear or favor. The way we view and relate to the world is the way the world will to us. Eventually the time will come when we will hope that our children receive a certain kind of treatment, care and attention from others, even complete strangers. Why then should we hesitate with children that are not ours or close our minds to single parents?
Eventually children grow into teenagers but the basics of what they need stay the same; attention, respect and love. Coming to think of it, it is the same thing you seek in your own relationship with your boyfriend or husband or any other kind of relationship for that matter. The only difference is the mode and level of communication that is required of us by toddlers, kids and teenagers. We have to be mindful of that, because if we don’t, the same way our relationship with our boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse gets sour just as it does with our siblings and our parents, so can our relationship with our children and the children around us fail. That can have as much of an impact on our lives as anything else can. If you are in a relationship now or any time in the future, there is a chance that you become a parent. You can adopt if you chose to but the same principles apply. You can date a single parent and face the same problems not because you are not their mom or dad but because you need to earn their trust and respect just like you need to earn that of everybody you relate to, whether at work, school, or anywhere else. You can not have a successful relationship and be unsuccessful with the product(s) of your relationship or prior relationships. It just can not happen. The more we remind ourselves of that the less likely we are to get complacent and minimize the effort and time children need. It is a worthwhile investment. For our immediate and future satisfaction, but more importantly for the lives of the children involved, whether they are ours biologically or not.
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