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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
continued from.... Understanding the Product of Relationships - PART I
Then of course baby sitting is always a problem and since I love being around kids, I’m always on the list of options to help out my friends. It so happened that I had my three year old friend to baby sit. I was watching him for the first time actually so of course we were not friends. We had to distract him before his mom left stealthily. Now that’s when it became interesting. The moment he realized his mom had left his eyes started to wonder. He looked around inspecting every piece of furniture and everything else around. Every now and then he’d look back at me as if to gauge my reaction. I quietly observed. He found something round and breakable – hard plastic it was actually, so it didn’t break that easily. It looked like glass so it must have been to him. He dropped it and then looked at me. I did nothing. He picked it up and dropped it again, this time, saying “oh oh!” I picked it up and put back on the table where it belonged. He went right back, not saying a word, and did the same thing. I knew he knew that there was something not right about what he did, but I knew he was testing me. Kids do that but most often we don’t even notice the inquiries they make about our character. It is an initiation they put everyone through! The third time I took action.
It was a talk; a two-way conversation actually. I always make it two-way because children have to see things from their own point of view, not ours. We can’t correct the way they see the world, they eventually grow out of it anyway; we can only accommodate their thinking which we should do patiently and positively. So I asked him what the object looked like. He said it looked like a ball. Good! I praised him. I asked him what else it looked like. He couldn’t tell much more, so I found a piece of glass and showed him. He agreed to the resemblance. So I explained to him that glass breaks and it’s not always nice. He concurred and took off on a tangent about some glass at his home. I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying but I listened. Then I asked him to break the piece of glass to see for himself. He did. It was a little piece so it didn’t matter. I asked him what should be done after glass breaks. He knew! And he further admitted that he didn’t like to sweep but I laughed excitedly (he laughed too) and I kindly asked him to help me sweep. He did happily, while I watched and praised him some more and told him to be careful with the round breakable object. He went back, picked it from the flow, wiped it clean and placed it where it belonged. I accomplished many things…and all I needed was 20 minutes. He learned some more about breakable objects, he learned not to touch what I didn’t want him to, at his own pace and through his own reasoning, but most importantly, I earned his trust and respect, because thereafter we became friends good friends. He knew he could trust me because I was patient with him, paid him the attention he sought in a positive way and now he could listen to me and comply.
Often we as adults get used to saying because I told you so. It only breeds resentment and a stronger desire to disobey. Yes it is great for us to raise our children in a home with a mom and a dad but in life things don’t always go as planned. When they start acting out, parents resort to the excuse that he or she needs a father or a mother. Yes to an extent that is true, but they can act out no matter what. It is no use staying in a bad or unfruitful relationship just because your child needs a father or a mother. The energy which is picked up by the child from the parents can not be good under unfruitful circumstances. Love is a major part to play in their development, not only the love you have for them but the love they see in their world, which constitutes, mother, father, uncle, aunt, cousins, grand parents, teachers, peers and even neighbors. That affects their mood and their propensity to things like learning, listening and of course, loving. When mommy is sad, they can’t be happy; when mommy is emotionally drained they can’t be motivated. Where then, do they draw the desire to listen, when no one is listening to the other? From where should they find the desire to learn or the inclination to anything positive? When they cry, it’s not for nothing, when they say no, it’s not just, no, it’s worth examining; but truly, who has time for all that? It’s
worth it I say.
continue to... Understanding the Product of Relationships - PART III
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