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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Sidonie Fotso
continued from .... Healing a broken heart! - Part II
Phase 3: When do you feel you need to pick yourself up and start to trust again? “letting go stage”
IT IS IMPORTANT NOT TO LIE TO YOURSELF IN PAHSE 2, BECAUSE THEN EVERYTHING IS WORTHLESS, AS IT WILL BE BASED ON LIES FROM THEN ON AND RISKS CRUMBLING BEFORE YOUR OWN EYES!!
Now if you completed stage two honestly, this should not be hard at all. Because you should have made your mind how you want to carry on, either way make sure you have given yourself enough time to think about it:
Choice 1: Carry on with your old partner? In this case you need to be ready to work at your relationship, your trust and understanding. It is good to deal with things as they rise, comfort each other and apologise to each other, because most often you will find you feel almost invincible that if you have made it this far, nothing should be allowed to put an end to the happiness you have rediscovered. Endeavour to spend more time with each other, acknowledge each other’s space and let each other have space when they need it. Rediscover the things that make your partner laugh, start falling in love all over again, it is better than trying to pick up where you left off, then the feelings flow easier and there is less friction and little reference to how it used to be..
Choice 2: Find a new partner? Now this can be exciting as well as scary especially if you had been in your last relationship for a long time!! So do not dare take too much on!! You have the advantage of just being hurt and thus knowing what you DO NOT want in a prospective partner, how ever you have the disadvantage of being scared and tending to hold back a bit more than is necessary!! Now why don’t you make the disadvantage work for you!! Go out more (do not exaggerate) meet new people, put yourself out there, change your style, be sexy, be confident in your body language, flirty with your speech and daring/suggestive with your eyes. Take your time when looking don’t be in a rush, because you felt safer in a relationship so you can’t wait to get one back into one.. ENJOY dating. Give your potentials a reasonably long wait, get to know them well, and test them in little ways. Always be honest with them and yourself but more importantly be confident that you have not passed your sell by date just because you’ve just gotten over a heart break!!
Phase 4: How do you rebuild another healthy relationship? “Moving on Stage”
In addition to what Heine had already posted in his article, this stage should be the happiest and enjoyable whilst the first previous one was adventurous!! Here it’s all about Communication, Respect, Compatibility and Love.
Here are 3 dos and don’t in this stage. Only a few though!!
DOs
1. Give the relationship your all, that way you have no regrets if things do not work out
2. Make them feel wanted, and treasured
3. If you think you might need sometime to break out of a safety-shell, let them know before hand your emotional state and if appropriate the reason why you might need some time to adjust .Just so they don’t get the wrong idea.
DON’Ts
1. Compare them to your ex, be it negatively or positively
2. Try to do things you did with your ex or try to recreate the same scenario, because we are all different and that might push the further away from you.
3. reminisce a lot about what might have been with your ex, I know sometimes its human and can’t be helped but it is not healthy for the current relationship!
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