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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Sidonie Fotso
Sometimes in life we get so happy, that we have found the right person and we see nothing but endless bliss. Then all of a sudden something happens and the source (current relationship) of this bliss and happiness is ended. Healing is a process as thus::
Phase 1: What do you do then: / “letting it out stage”
You cry!! Yes that’s right CRY I don’t care if you are a man lady or teenager, lock yourself up in your room (if u are ashamed of the world seeing you crying) and cry it all out, it’s a great outlet for used up emotions…mind you women might find this more helpful. Do not hold anything back just let it all out. If you are a guy and feel you can not cry, take up a sport e.g boxing, something to let out the used energy and anger. Also some people find out that music helps them get through tough times, if this is true with you, pick a positive track/album that you love, indulge yourself in it and make it mean something to you. (Personally I chose the Boyz II Men – Evolution album. Every song there especially No.2 “Never” helped immensely). What you should never do is go out with friends and bury your head in the sand, if the break up was a painful one because your next relationship might pay the price for that. When you are hurting believe it or not, you need time alone, although too much time might be unhealthy, one needs to establish the hurt and deal with it, because that’s the only way one can move on.
Phase 2: Where/How do you start dealing with it? “Self Honesty and assessing of options stage”
After a good cry, ask yourself what went wrong in the relationship. Some people do not want to know what went wrong, but it is always a good idea if you can establish that fact because not only do you learn from your mistake(s) or that of your partners, you become more aware of such signs and how to deal with them in the future. Do not sit there and feel sorry for yourself, neither should you completely take the blame especially if you were dumped. It takes two to tango right?? So you are not solely to blame. When you have established the cause of the break up, honestly and critically assess your emotional state and how you feel towards your partner. Most often we all still love our partners immediately after a break up despite what they did, if we ever truly did love them, the love does not fizzle out, it might be mixed with rage and disgust and sympathy and what not.. But it just does not switch that easily. By accepting this, you are taking the first step of moving on. So the question is never really whether you still love them or not, but whether you can ever get to trust them again completely. Be honest with yourself do not give yourself false hopes (no matter how hard it is not to) by believing you will get back together pick up where you left off. Presto! And it will all be ok. Because that’s a lie. Also if you have the strength to, it is always good to talk to your ex if you need someone to talk to, not only because they were probably the closest person to you at some point, but also because if they ever did love you, and if the apologies are mutual, they too will be going through the same thing. If you find you can not talk to them for one reason or another, stay away from them altogether, say you need time to deal with this on your own, and keep in touch. After setting this down, you need to move unto to whether you want that partner back, or you want to give yourself time, gather strength and start afresh with someone new.
continue to .... Healing a broken heart - PART II
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