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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
I am going to suggest something apparently radical - everyone should have an affair! You want to know why? Read on. There is something about affairs that makes them more appealing than honest relationships. Proof of this is the fact that some people have had affairs for years, happily too, but failed at a committed relationship not too long after making the transition. Interesting don’t you think?
When people have affairs, usually, one or both partners are in a committed relationship. Access thus is limited. Time is limited. Space also is limited. In fact everything appears limited except the desire and attraction the two have for each other. What do you do when you have little time? You make the most of the little you have. What do you do when you have limited space? You get creative and even more inhibited. What do you do with limited access? You tend to be more spontaneous, more opportunistic, and more adventurous.
Usually, in affairs nothing changes. Which means, either the man doesn’t leave his wife, or the woman does not leave her husband depending on the situation. Only time passes by but everything stays the same. The limitations of time, space and access stay the same. The passion, the attraction, the intensity, the chemistry, the desire all stay the same or only increase. Of course, the sex tends to get better. Not because the person involved is better, but because sex is mostly mental. Because the brain is extremely stimulated by the creativity, inhibition, spontaneity and desire, the simplest moves and actions could instigate the most intense feelings. That does not help the death of the affair because good sex is addictive. The cycle only continues.
There is psychological element to affairs, which comes from the influence of the ego on self. Men will perpetuate affairs because it makes them feel more macho, to be wanted even though they are involved with someone else. The more the affair heightens, the more their ego is inflated. It holds true if the man is single and the woman is attached. With women, it’s slightly different. Many women, especially those with low self-esteem need to feel wanted, desired and to a great extent, loved. Having the attention of a man who’s already taken apparently helps their self-esteem. The more attention they get, the better they feel. Sometimes it depends on how they rate the woman who’s attached to the man they are having the affair with. The higher she is rated, the higher they rate themselves. If the woman is having an affair outside a relationship, she may be trying to fill a void created by the relationship, which she seemingly does, depending on how she feels about the affair. Whatever the case may be, it is clear that affairs offer some kind of psychological boost to all parties involved – in addition to physical.
I am still on the path to why everyone should have an affair. After considerable time in a relationship, most of us know what happens. Access is unlimited. Time is unlimited. Space too becomes unlimited. One partner can reach the other any time, anyhow, from anywhere. There is more than enough freedom. You can be intimate as liberally and openly as you choose. The more involved the two get to be in each others lives, the closer they get as individuals but the further apart they get as lovers. A lover is one who loves. When you have to worry about problems, bills, work and sometimes children, how much time can you find for loving? Not much. But the good news is there are many ways to do so.
In affairs, very seldom do personal issues come in the way of the physical attention. Time and space are maximized. Exciting memorable and successful relationships have balance. All elements feed each other in a mesh-like manner. Keeping the physical element is as important as any other element and one can be used to uplift the other. The spontaneity, flexibility, non-inhibitive nature of affairs fuels the physical extremely well. Sex is great; communication in the bedroom usually helps communication out of the bedroom and vise versa. So communication and understand usually abound throughout the life of the affair in all areas. Effort is minimized. Over time, many exclusive relationships lose that. They become dull, boring and overly monotonous. This does not have to be. Because when it does, one or both parties starts distancing themselves consciously or unconsciously. There are numerous ways to keep boredom and monotony out of relationships to prevent this from happening.
continue to ... The “thing” About Affairs - PART II
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