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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
continued from .... Increase Your Options… - Part I
Another friend of mine, a decent gentleman by any standard, loves intimacy, loves commitment, but he has one small problem. There are few girls he can stand. Well, you may wonder why. I did too. To him, a woman should cook, clean, serve, nurture, nourish and you know the rest. In fairness to the tradition, he believes in his limited role as a provider. To him, that is how it was when he was growing up, which I respect. The rigidity is extended to his views on all aspects of relationships, including sex. This is where I have a problem – He is never looking and will not entertain communication with any of the many girls his parents have tried introducing him to. Now if you want to be traditional, at least be traditional all the way!
An open mind allows us to look beyond close limits, at values and elements that sustain a relationship. I have another friend who does not talk to strangers. She simply wouldn’t. All the people she knows she met through somebody, yet she doesn’t believe in blind dates. Being hooked up is simply “not her thing”. She likes clubbing, but believe men go to clubs to meet girls and can’t be serious, so she does not entertain their advances. She likes working out, but to her, working out should be all about working out. And at the office, work should be about work. Why mix business and pleasure? My question to her was a simple one. Do you want someone you are compatible with? Her answer obviously, was Yes. Why then, do you deprive yourself of meeting people that share the same interests as you? It took some explaining to get through to her. I asked her, “My dear, how on earth are you to meet this boyfriend you want so badly…And when you do, what are the chances that you two would have anything in common?
The same people that use the trains, subways, airplanes, clubs, internet, schools, gyms are the same ones you would be introduced to by a friend or a co-worker. You don’t lose anything by talking to them innocently. You never know where it might lead. Be friendly, without being too intruding; be welcoming without being too suggestive. The number of people you meet correlates to those that stand out positively. Why do you think the bad girls get the good guys? They have been through the bad and the ugly to know and appreciate the good. And when they get them, they sure do a fine job of keeping them. The same holds true for men.
For those who are already in relationships, an open-mind can only help make the relationship stronger and more fruitful. I know a man who doesn’t go out at all. He hates the park, the beach and even museums. During the early stages of his relationship with his wife, they traveled to resorts and fine destinations…and they do each time they have a serious problem to resolve. Do you have to be in crisis to appreciate the beauty of life and nature? Do you have to do these things to seduce the woman only to give them up once you have her? I wonder. He won’t even move to a bigger house because to him a 4-bedroom house is fine. Their combined income can afford better, but he shields himself from his spouse’s conviction. He’s comfortable he says. He limits himself so much so that he’s happiest when he’s watching football (soccer) with his boys or having a backyard BBQ. He wouldn’t go out dancing even if she has to beg. Well, not surprisingly, he’s not open in bed. He expects her to do everything he pleases, but remains deaf to all her requests. Are you surprised that last I heard, he was accusing her of cheating on him with some younger guy…and interestingly enough he couldn’t understand why, because as he put is she “has” everything.
All around us there are lessons to be learned. Without falling deep in similar circumstances, we can be aware of the consequences of the limitations we have in our relationships and on ourselves. The basis of most communication is compatibility. There is nothing wrong with talking to a person male or female, in a medium you feel comfortable in. Increasing the mediums increases your options greatly. Knowing yourself makes all the difference. You do not have to be on guard and defensive about who or what the other person might be. Knowing yourself, your likes and especially dislikes arm you enough to deal with that effectively. Like everything in life, nothing is 100% so there will be hits and misses. When it’s a miss, be positive, know peaks surround all valleys and you will rise above the miss. When it is a hit and you find yourself in a relationship, keep the open mind. It helps keep the flame burning. The world is full of infinite options. When two open-minded people are in a relationship, the possibilities are endless; the sky is the limit, to life in and out of the bedroom. So prepare to be all you can be to your partner. Ask yourself, how open-minded am I? Now find ways to increase your options, your boundaries and consequently your opportunities.
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