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Posted by J Kel |
This article was submitted by Heine Nzumafo
Life is a journey they say, but what kind of journey is it? Is it a marathon? People who may think so may find themselves as exhausted as marathoners get. Besides how many of us will make it to the finish line. You may wonder where I’m going, but my argument is simple, life is a series of sprints. The difference between your life and mine then should be where we are both sprinting. We may set different goals for ourselves at different times. For this reason alone, we should never judge ourselves by the accomplishments of others. Especially when it comes to relationships. Besides you have no idea how happy that couple is, or if they are happy at all, so don’t even bother.
It happens more commonly with women than with men that they get to a certain age and start asking all sorts of questions about themselves. “Am I not good enough?” “Will I ever get married?” “How come she got married and I didn’t”, “ I’m too old, no one will want me.” There are a few men who suffer from the claws of such negativity. Some may receive too much pressure from family or friends too and start wondering how to meet a woman they would want to settle down with. Either way, it happens to most people, men and women alike. Every society has conventions. Back in the days, our forefathers relied on their parents to choose their mate. Today that happens to a less extent. The fate of many if not all lies in their hands. The fact that you are reading this mean you are using the Internet, which is good because some people would not even dare. But how open are you in your Internet use? In fact, project this to other mediums. How open are you in the other mediums of your life? How many mediums do you have?
Lets start with school. Most of us have spent most of our adult life studying. What is your relationship with your school environment? Do you go to class and then home, or some times you take a break at the cafeteria? Most of us work. What is your relationship to you job environment? Do you go to work, do what you have to, and then go home? Well, most of us have a friend or two at work. Aside from that, what else is there or who else is there? We have our family and friends whom we cherish so much. Now what’s our relationship with them? We talk on the phone, gossip, fight, visit, celebrate, party, and go through the cycles over and over and over.
The big question is, how much exposure do you give yourself? It is okay if you choose to be single and want to remain single. If so, by all means, go through the easiest routine to stay within the confines of your own space. But if you are looking to date, seriously or not, staying at home gravely reduces your chances of having fun in the process, or meeting anyone good enough for you. The more people you meet, the greater the chances of meeting someone you might like. It’s that simple!
How restricted are you in your thinking? Must he be a basketball player, have a six-pack, or be bow-legged? Must she be slim, slender and fit; must he/she have never been married and with no kids? Relax; open up your mind to reality. Life with is person is not made in the moment of who they are when you meet them. People change, people grow, people adapt. I have a friend who is dating a Philippine he intends to marry. He loves her as much as she loves him. By all of his accounts, they get along just fine. His family of course, like many others is so against the union that they would not even meet the girl. He should marry a Cameroonian they say. As though chances of failure do not exist with a Cameroonian. It is true that with interracial marriages cultural barriers present a problem. But some people are more adaptable and open than others. In such cases, cultural differences actually become a plus. I tell my friend to follow his heart. I ask him questions that hold for all relationships. Do you communicate well enough? Do you respect each other? Can you share the same space? 20 years from now, are you goals career wise and personal along the same lines? Those are things that matter, not attributes that sounds as though they come from a “Mr/Mrs Right Factory”
I have another friend who is in a relationship she really does not want to be in. She’s in her early thirties and has been dating her boyfriend for a few years now. They have even moved in together. Only problem is, deep down inside her she does not want to spend the rest of her life with him. Yet she stays in the relationship out of fear. Her fears are common to many women. She thinks she is too old to start dating all over. Besides, she doesn’t even “know” any men. She won’t consider a man younger than she; she won’t consider a man who’s not Cameroonian. Yet she thinks going to the CAMSA Convention is a waste of time because she doesn’t want to appear to compete with the younger girls whom she deems excited. Furthermore, she has no clue about local gatherings, and does her best to stay away from the Washington DC crowd. She thinks she doesn’t look as good as she did before, yet she can’t find time to work out or exercise. Eating right is hard because she’s juggling two jobs, and she can barely have enough sleep to look refreshed. The little time she has she calls a few friends and family. Now tell, me, how limited is that?
continue to ..... Increase Your Options… PART II
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